the weight of it all
i've been aware lately of the cost of helping another; of choosing to be a part of someone else's life, of their problems, of their hopes, of their dreams. it is exhausting. i drive down the streets of juarez and daily have people wave me down looking for help, looking for a hand out, looking for a prayer; anything. i have been handed medical forms and x-rays and asked for money, i have had my shoulder cried on more times than i can count, i have stood with open hands asking "why" more often than i have been able to offer the answer or the help. i leave hopeful. i leave defeated. i come home and see it on our streets too. i see the same woman on the street corner every day. her name is mary. she doesn't "get off work" till about 6:00 and says it's too hot to eat dinner before. i breathe a heavy sigh when i lay my head down because along with my own questions, my own troubles, my own hopes and fears i am carrying theirs. they aren't mine to carry, i know. so i offer up my questions and their hearts to God with mine, but I am exhausted.
it is easier not to stop. it is easier to drive by and not roll the window down. it's hard to even write that, but sometimes it's true. sometimes i act like i don't see them standing there because i know i can't help and it's defeating to have to say "i'm so sorry" one more time, as i drive away and they remain empty handed. but as i read a friend's facebook status today she asked for prayers for her friend's mom. she requested that after you pray you call this number 404.864.9714. it will go to a prayer pager and just let her know that someone is praying for her. she has breast cancer. honestly this FB friend is a friend of a friend. i have no idea who this woman with cancer is but i can send up a prayer. as i called this pager number and it said "thank you letting Donna Williamson know you are praying for her" i thought that maybe this is what it's all about. maybe it's about walking by someone that is obviously hurting and having no idea who they are but recognizing that they are another human being and we are all in this together. maybe it is a pager going off when you are fighting a disease and scared for your life and just the sound of that beep gives you hope. it doesn't matter where it came from. it doesn't matter who it was. it doesn't matter that you'll never meet. it symbolized hope; the fact that a prayer was said, the truth that you are not alone and that someone, anyone, is carrying this burden, this fear, this life with you. please carry this prayer with you, for her.
i am learning that hope is everything. i am reminded of this thought by Martin Luther King Jr. "If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream."
today i still have a dream too. today i still have hope. my heart is burdened, my heart is heavy; for those around me that i know are hurting, for my own hurt, for the woman that will still be on the corner tonight when i drive home, for my friend in MX that lives in fear and has so much hardship that it seems hopeless. yet i am reminded of my own hope when she looks at me and says in her broken english, "Brittany, God loves me too much." i can't help but smile every time i think of it. she says this even as her side is scarred by a knife because she was robbed for the third time and her neck is covered in hickeys from her husband that shows his ownership by his force. she reminds me that she is hopeful, and in her hope i find mine once again.
i am helpless. this world is not mine to save. but i am walking through this life at this exact time with each of you for a reason. we are not in this alone. i am not alone. you are not alone. my hope is in Jesus. i am hopeful.
it is easier not to stop. it is easier to drive by and not roll the window down. it's hard to even write that, but sometimes it's true. sometimes i act like i don't see them standing there because i know i can't help and it's defeating to have to say "i'm so sorry" one more time, as i drive away and they remain empty handed. but as i read a friend's facebook status today she asked for prayers for her friend's mom. she requested that after you pray you call this number 404.864.9714. it will go to a prayer pager and just let her know that someone is praying for her. she has breast cancer. honestly this FB friend is a friend of a friend. i have no idea who this woman with cancer is but i can send up a prayer. as i called this pager number and it said "thank you letting Donna Williamson know you are praying for her" i thought that maybe this is what it's all about. maybe it's about walking by someone that is obviously hurting and having no idea who they are but recognizing that they are another human being and we are all in this together. maybe it is a pager going off when you are fighting a disease and scared for your life and just the sound of that beep gives you hope. it doesn't matter where it came from. it doesn't matter who it was. it doesn't matter that you'll never meet. it symbolized hope; the fact that a prayer was said, the truth that you are not alone and that someone, anyone, is carrying this burden, this fear, this life with you. please carry this prayer with you, for her.
i am learning that hope is everything. i am reminded of this thought by Martin Luther King Jr. "If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream."
today i still have a dream too. today i still have hope. my heart is burdened, my heart is heavy; for those around me that i know are hurting, for my own hurt, for the woman that will still be on the corner tonight when i drive home, for my friend in MX that lives in fear and has so much hardship that it seems hopeless. yet i am reminded of my own hope when she looks at me and says in her broken english, "Brittany, God loves me too much." i can't help but smile every time i think of it. she says this even as her side is scarred by a knife because she was robbed for the third time and her neck is covered in hickeys from her husband that shows his ownership by his force. she reminds me that she is hopeful, and in her hope i find mine once again.
i am helpless. this world is not mine to save. but i am walking through this life at this exact time with each of you for a reason. we are not in this alone. i am not alone. you are not alone. my hope is in Jesus. i am hopeful.
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