pity party
i was having a pity party tonight, and it was one of those good ones. i was the only person invited and i was blaring some of the most depressing tunes i could find. over the sad symphony coming from my bedroom i couldn't hear the pounding that was going on at my front door. after a minute i heard it faintly and took off running to catch whoever it was. standing there banging was my neighbor that lives below me. now despite the fact that she's been living below my apt. for 6 months, i just met her for the first time this weekend. i ran into her brother who has been staying with her and he told me that she is sick so he's been helping out and she is going to be moving soon to be closer to family. what i found out this weekend was the rest of the story.
as she came outside on Saturday and we started talking i asked if there was anything i could do to help her since she was sick. she looked at me and said, "will you take my fish?" "i can't take him with me and i don't have anyone to take care of him." i let her know that i'd be happy to and also assured her that i happen to be the proud owner of a fish myself so this fish will be in great hands. as i walked into her apt. to meet her fish (who's name is "fish"), she began to tell me her story. in February she went to the hospital because she was sick. when the doctors came back they said, "you know that you have cancer?" she said that she didn't know, and asked them when they were going to cut it out. their response was this. "the cancer is in the lining of your lungs and it cannot be removed." they told her that her cancer is terminal.
her name is Sandra and she seems to be about in her 50's. she moved into this apartment in the midst of her normal life. i would see her between the comings and goings of work and errands. she was healthy, had short curly black hair, and would have her grand kids over to play. as i sit and talk with Sandy now, she has lost all of her hair from the chemo, she had to quit her job, and she can't seem to get over a virus that is making her cough as she talks to me in her nightgown and slippers. there are boxes everywhere because she is packing up all of her things. her brother wants her to throw most of it out, and although she knows in time that there's not one of these worldly possessions she will get to keep, she said it's just too much right now to find out that she is dying, and now moving, and to also try to let go of a lot of the things that she has. i agree. she knows she may never read these books again, but she will pack them for now. as i sat and talked to Sandy over Easter weekend i had to fight back tears. she wasn't crying, so who was i to? she has an amazing attitude about life and said that she always asked God to let her raise her kids well and see them as adults, and He did. we talked about God, and life, and faith, and plants, and fish, and backgammon. we talked for almost 3 hrs. we prayed together and she held my hand as we walked around the house looking at her plants. she said her and her brother play backgammon and asked me if i wanted to learn in the next couple weeks before she moves. i told her i'd love to. i don't think she realizes it, but i needed someone to just sit and talk to last Saturday just as much as she did.
so tonight when i heard the knock at my door, i assumed that it was her. and as i swung open the door in the midst of my pity party, there was Sandy standing there holding three warm plates of home cooked food. she's been cooking for her family that has been in town since Easter and she stepped away to come up and bring me some. her family is leaving in the morning and she has chemo tomorrow and Friday. as i thanked her for the food i told her i'd be praying for her chemo and we made plans to play backgammon next week. as i shut the door, the tears began to pour down my face. in the midst of my sadness, God knew that i needed to be reminded of life and have it put into perspective. that perspective showed up on my doorstep in the form of Sandy holding 3 warm plates of food with a huge smile on her face, hours before chemo, all the while celebrating some of her last precious moments with her family. i am so grateful for Sandy, and for her showing up at my door when i was so busy being caught in my own world that i almost missed her knocking. and truthfully i wonder how much that happens in life and i miss it completly. i am grateful for all that she's taught me and the impact she's made on my life in just the 5 days that i've known her. i just remembered praying for the person that would move in below me before Sandy moved in. i prayed that for whatever reason God would have our lives cross paths that i wouldn't miss it. she is two weeks away from moving. i forgot i ever prayed that until right now. i almost missed the opportunity to learn so much from someone living right below me that i never even stopped and exchanged names with. we're all in this world together, hopefully helping each other along the way. even if our lives are only to cross for a moment, if we'll take the time to cross those paths and not miss it, the impact that it makes can be life changing. i'm grateful that even when i was too busy just looking at me, God was big enough to send someone literally knocking on my door.
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my request is that you pray for Sandra. in passing it sounded like she may have a couple more years to live, but i'm not sure.
we talked about God and faith, but all of that takes on a reality that i have never known when this life ending becomes real and faith is all we do or don't have left.
she has a strength that she seems to get from God, and a positive attitude that pours out of her in hopes that those around her will stay positive as well.
ultimately, my prayer is that she would be healed. but if not, that she will be able to use the life that she has left to the fullest, and come to know and love God as her savior more and more as He gives her strength through the rest of this life and what is next.
as she came outside on Saturday and we started talking i asked if there was anything i could do to help her since she was sick. she looked at me and said, "will you take my fish?" "i can't take him with me and i don't have anyone to take care of him." i let her know that i'd be happy to and also assured her that i happen to be the proud owner of a fish myself so this fish will be in great hands. as i walked into her apt. to meet her fish (who's name is "fish"), she began to tell me her story. in February she went to the hospital because she was sick. when the doctors came back they said, "you know that you have cancer?" she said that she didn't know, and asked them when they were going to cut it out. their response was this. "the cancer is in the lining of your lungs and it cannot be removed." they told her that her cancer is terminal.
her name is Sandra and she seems to be about in her 50's. she moved into this apartment in the midst of her normal life. i would see her between the comings and goings of work and errands. she was healthy, had short curly black hair, and would have her grand kids over to play. as i sit and talk with Sandy now, she has lost all of her hair from the chemo, she had to quit her job, and she can't seem to get over a virus that is making her cough as she talks to me in her nightgown and slippers. there are boxes everywhere because she is packing up all of her things. her brother wants her to throw most of it out, and although she knows in time that there's not one of these worldly possessions she will get to keep, she said it's just too much right now to find out that she is dying, and now moving, and to also try to let go of a lot of the things that she has. i agree. she knows she may never read these books again, but she will pack them for now. as i sat and talked to Sandy over Easter weekend i had to fight back tears. she wasn't crying, so who was i to? she has an amazing attitude about life and said that she always asked God to let her raise her kids well and see them as adults, and He did. we talked about God, and life, and faith, and plants, and fish, and backgammon. we talked for almost 3 hrs. we prayed together and she held my hand as we walked around the house looking at her plants. she said her and her brother play backgammon and asked me if i wanted to learn in the next couple weeks before she moves. i told her i'd love to. i don't think she realizes it, but i needed someone to just sit and talk to last Saturday just as much as she did.
so tonight when i heard the knock at my door, i assumed that it was her. and as i swung open the door in the midst of my pity party, there was Sandy standing there holding three warm plates of home cooked food. she's been cooking for her family that has been in town since Easter and she stepped away to come up and bring me some. her family is leaving in the morning and she has chemo tomorrow and Friday. as i thanked her for the food i told her i'd be praying for her chemo and we made plans to play backgammon next week. as i shut the door, the tears began to pour down my face. in the midst of my sadness, God knew that i needed to be reminded of life and have it put into perspective. that perspective showed up on my doorstep in the form of Sandy holding 3 warm plates of food with a huge smile on her face, hours before chemo, all the while celebrating some of her last precious moments with her family. i am so grateful for Sandy, and for her showing up at my door when i was so busy being caught in my own world that i almost missed her knocking. and truthfully i wonder how much that happens in life and i miss it completly. i am grateful for all that she's taught me and the impact she's made on my life in just the 5 days that i've known her. i just remembered praying for the person that would move in below me before Sandy moved in. i prayed that for whatever reason God would have our lives cross paths that i wouldn't miss it. she is two weeks away from moving. i forgot i ever prayed that until right now. i almost missed the opportunity to learn so much from someone living right below me that i never even stopped and exchanged names with. we're all in this world together, hopefully helping each other along the way. even if our lives are only to cross for a moment, if we'll take the time to cross those paths and not miss it, the impact that it makes can be life changing. i'm grateful that even when i was too busy just looking at me, God was big enough to send someone literally knocking on my door.
------------------------
my request is that you pray for Sandra. in passing it sounded like she may have a couple more years to live, but i'm not sure.
we talked about God and faith, but all of that takes on a reality that i have never known when this life ending becomes real and faith is all we do or don't have left.
she has a strength that she seems to get from God, and a positive attitude that pours out of her in hopes that those around her will stay positive as well.
ultimately, my prayer is that she would be healed. but if not, that she will be able to use the life that she has left to the fullest, and come to know and love God as her savior more and more as He gives her strength through the rest of this life and what is next.
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