Soul Miner
You wanna know my big problem right now? There’s too much to learn and see and do. And I don’t know how to sift through it all to figure out what I need to take in and learn and see and what not to waste my time with. At 29 all of a sudden I have no idea what I want from this world or want do here.
So maybe it's time to sit down and re-prioritize my life; what i want for it and what i don't. But i just did that a month ago. I made a list for 2010 of what i wanted to accomplish, see and do. January is already over. A list is great, but what do you do when the passion and desire that created those inspirations fade? Re-prioritize? Should this really happen once a month?
I need newness. I've never been one to stay put very long. I've lived in El Paso for almost 6 years and i pay a month to month lease. I have no intention of going anywhere, i think i just like the option of knowing that i could if i wanted to. But where is the line of a healthy desire for life and adventure and never staying put because i am always ready to go to what's next before my bags are even unpacked from where i am?
29 is affecting me differently than i expected it to. I feel it. I feel 29. Whatever that means. I feel older. Not in my heart, (i feel about 13 there) but in my dreams and desires and what the world says 29 should be. Like i'm supposed to quit dreaming, quit becoming, quit exploring, quit learning. Settle for what life is now and call it good. I am feeling pressures for the first time in my life that i don't believe in at all and i don't have any clue where they're coming from. Maybe it's the desire for this year never to end. To never become 30 and to make the most of this last year in my 20's along the way. I can't figure it out, but the fact is.... i'm restless.
I want to leave everything i know behind and go to where i have no idea what i'll see tomorrow or where i'll sleep that night. I can't figure out how much of this is me needing to go on vacation or if i just have no desire to ever stay put anywhere and want to spend my life traveling the world and trying to work odd jobs to fund it along the way. I understand myself enough to know that after about 5 months i'm ready for stability and i don't want to live without purpose. But again, i'm restless.
Spring break will be here in no time and i'll be busy building houses in Juarez, MX for 3 weeks in a row and i'm sure i'll be beyond exhausted by then. But, this is where i'm at today, and yesterday, and a month ago. :) My friend just texted me, he said, "Sup, Soul Miner?" It's part of the name of a music group i told him about last week. However, i think it's a pretty fitting name for me today.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10 minutes after posting this i look down and realize that i'm holding a bunch of pesos in my hand to send to my little sister. She wants them for school because her big sister works in a foreign country. Immediately i realize that despite the fact that i don't think twice about having foreign currency in my wallet all the time, to most this is not "normal." I know my life is amazing. I'm just restless.
So maybe it's time to sit down and re-prioritize my life; what i want for it and what i don't. But i just did that a month ago. I made a list for 2010 of what i wanted to accomplish, see and do. January is already over. A list is great, but what do you do when the passion and desire that created those inspirations fade? Re-prioritize? Should this really happen once a month?
I need newness. I've never been one to stay put very long. I've lived in El Paso for almost 6 years and i pay a month to month lease. I have no intention of going anywhere, i think i just like the option of knowing that i could if i wanted to. But where is the line of a healthy desire for life and adventure and never staying put because i am always ready to go to what's next before my bags are even unpacked from where i am?
29 is affecting me differently than i expected it to. I feel it. I feel 29. Whatever that means. I feel older. Not in my heart, (i feel about 13 there) but in my dreams and desires and what the world says 29 should be. Like i'm supposed to quit dreaming, quit becoming, quit exploring, quit learning. Settle for what life is now and call it good. I am feeling pressures for the first time in my life that i don't believe in at all and i don't have any clue where they're coming from. Maybe it's the desire for this year never to end. To never become 30 and to make the most of this last year in my 20's along the way. I can't figure it out, but the fact is.... i'm restless.
I want to leave everything i know behind and go to where i have no idea what i'll see tomorrow or where i'll sleep that night. I can't figure out how much of this is me needing to go on vacation or if i just have no desire to ever stay put anywhere and want to spend my life traveling the world and trying to work odd jobs to fund it along the way. I understand myself enough to know that after about 5 months i'm ready for stability and i don't want to live without purpose. But again, i'm restless.
Spring break will be here in no time and i'll be busy building houses in Juarez, MX for 3 weeks in a row and i'm sure i'll be beyond exhausted by then. But, this is where i'm at today, and yesterday, and a month ago. :) My friend just texted me, he said, "Sup, Soul Miner?" It's part of the name of a music group i told him about last week. However, i think it's a pretty fitting name for me today.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10 minutes after posting this i look down and realize that i'm holding a bunch of pesos in my hand to send to my little sister. She wants them for school because her big sister works in a foreign country. Immediately i realize that despite the fact that i don't think twice about having foreign currency in my wallet all the time, to most this is not "normal." I know my life is amazing. I'm just restless.
Comments