dreams became scars
i'm soaking wet from the rain. the kind of freezing cold rain that comes down in an instant and soaks you to the bone. it started and i just stood there and let it drench me to the core. i hoped for a moment that it would clean the earth, or at least just make me clean. this world is broken and i am broken in it.
i only talked to her for a minute. she sat outside the gas station smoking a cigarette. i got in my truck to drive away and as i stared at her i couldn't leave. i jumped back out and asked her if she needed anything. as we talked i saw her arms. they were covered with scabs, and fresh wounds; cuts from razors to release the pain. they started at her wrists and went until i couldn't see any further on both arms. i've never seen so many cuts. i've never seen someone make so little effort to hide their scars; to hide their pain. it was as if she was screaming out for help without saying a word. she was all i could think about as i drove away. i wondered about her life. i wondered where she'd sleep tonight. i pictured her sitting there now, inevitably sitting in the rain as it poured down too, and all i could see was brokenness and pain. i felt overwhelmed by the thought that we are a world of hurting people; people crying out for anything to dull the pain.
my mind is flooded as the fullness of life surrounds me. my world is spinning; people are growing old, others are dying, friends are leaving, and i can't slow any of it down.
we are all hurting for so many different reasons. life didn't go as we planned. we lost the person we loved. our wishes didn't come true. what began to make us better made us lose everything. what were possibilities became disappointments. and with it all, the picture of perfection that we clung to as a child faded with our dreams along the way.
and in the pain i think we're settling. i think that we're afraid to fight. i think that we don't want to fight. i think that we're tired of fighting. and so we quit or we give in. and we cry out for help, or we just cry and begin saying nothing at all.
when it comes down to it, i don't see redemption in this world outside of Jesus. i don't see hope or the possibility of much more than what is before us. and to me that is defeating, to me that is hopeless. I can't get the words of CS Lewis out of my head tonight. and i can't stop listening to this song.
i only talked to her for a minute. she sat outside the gas station smoking a cigarette. i got in my truck to drive away and as i stared at her i couldn't leave. i jumped back out and asked her if she needed anything. as we talked i saw her arms. they were covered with scabs, and fresh wounds; cuts from razors to release the pain. they started at her wrists and went until i couldn't see any further on both arms. i've never seen so many cuts. i've never seen someone make so little effort to hide their scars; to hide their pain. it was as if she was screaming out for help without saying a word. she was all i could think about as i drove away. i wondered about her life. i wondered where she'd sleep tonight. i pictured her sitting there now, inevitably sitting in the rain as it poured down too, and all i could see was brokenness and pain. i felt overwhelmed by the thought that we are a world of hurting people; people crying out for anything to dull the pain.
my mind is flooded as the fullness of life surrounds me. my world is spinning; people are growing old, others are dying, friends are leaving, and i can't slow any of it down.
we are all hurting for so many different reasons. life didn't go as we planned. we lost the person we loved. our wishes didn't come true. what began to make us better made us lose everything. what were possibilities became disappointments. and with it all, the picture of perfection that we clung to as a child faded with our dreams along the way.
and in the pain i think we're settling. i think that we're afraid to fight. i think that we don't want to fight. i think that we're tired of fighting. and so we quit or we give in. and we cry out for help, or we just cry and begin saying nothing at all.
when it comes down to it, i don't see redemption in this world outside of Jesus. i don't see hope or the possibility of much more than what is before us. and to me that is defeating, to me that is hopeless. I can't get the words of CS Lewis out of my head tonight. and i can't stop listening to this song.
If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is no part of the Christian faith. Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased. - CS Lewis
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