ungrateful

i sat down to eat breakfast this morning and i realized, i'm not very grateful for my food.

it's true. i'm not.

sometimes i remember to thank God for it before i eat, sometimes i don't.

but even when i do, it's more of a ritual.

even when i really mean Thank You, as much as i can, i still don't really mean it that much.

the reason is, i've never been without food.

it's hard for me to be truly grateful for something deep down in my soul, when i've never been without it.

it's like saying, thank you for this food that i have had available to me and have eaten any time i was hungry every single day of my life.

how deeply grateful can i really be for that?

i type this all as the bowl of cereal now sits on the floor because this has taken precedent over the food. :)

those random few days in my life when i've gone without though, the first bite i took, i couldn't be more grateful for.

and i meant it. as my stomach was eating itself. "thank you God sooooo much for this food."

i've been reading Luke lately.

and i've been really impressed with learning about this guy we call Jesus.

i feel like i'm getting the opportunity every morning to sit down with the greatest philosopher, social activist, and lover of all time.

nothing he explains ever comes out directly. it's always in a story. he says his peace and goes on his way.

i've never been so intrigued by learning about who he was and his teachings.

anyway, so he tells this story in luke 7.

he goes over to Simon, a pharisee's house to eat dinner.

while he's there it says "an immoral" woman heard he was there and came to the house and brought with her a "beautiful jar filled with expensive perfume."

she knelt behind Jesus weeping and her tears fell on his feet (his dirty sandal wearing dirt road walking feet)

it says she wiped them off with her hair and then she kept putting the expensive perfume on his feet and kissing them.

the pharisee thought, this proves Jesus isn't a prophet, because "if God had really sent him, he would know what kind of woman is touching him."

Jesus just looked at the pharisee and said, "let me tell you a story."

he told a story about loaning money to two people.

one he loaned 500 pieces of silver to and to the other he loaned 50 pieces of silver.

neither man could repay him "so he kindly forgave them both, canceling their debts."

"Who do you suppose loved him more after that?"

"Simon answered, 'I suppose the one for whom he canceled the larger debt.'"

Jesus said, "I tell you, her sins - and they are many- have been forgiven, so she has shone me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love."

i realize, as i sit here, strangely enough as i eat a bowl of cereal, that Jesus' words ring true.

in the world it seems, those that have been forgiven of a great deal, seem to be willing to offer the same grace and forgiveness to others, much more willingly than one that did not have that same need for forgiveness in their own life. one that has been given compassion, gives it more freely. one that has been given these gifts, sees the need, and knows what it meant for their own life and passes it lovingly on to others.

it seems suddenly, that the only way to truly give love, is to have received it yourself.

how could it ever be so true as from one that has received it in their own life?

if i've never needed food, how could i really be that grateful when i have it every time i'm hungry?
i couldn't. it's impossible to be as grateful for something i've always had as a starving child in africa would be. would that child look at this bowl of cereal completly different? of course.

would they weep and thank God for what i didn't think twice about?

if i've never recognized my need for forgiveness in my own life, how could i ever be so grateful as someone that has, and has received that?

how can i ever be able to love, like one that has received unconditional love?

i can't.

it is impossible.

if i don't have a need, then receiving something i don't need won't make me grateful.

this is what Jesus was trying to teach the pharisee.

the pharisee thought he was "good enough." the immoral woman knew that she wasn't.

the woman was forgiven. the woman received Christ's unconditional love. the woman knew nothing else but to pour that love out on Jesus for his forgiveness.

the pharisee missed it completly.

we all need the same forgiveness. it's just a matter of recognizing it in my own life, or missing it completly.

suddenly through a bowl of cereal i'm beginning to understand Christ's love and forgiveness more than i ever have.