memories

i cleaned out my grill tonight. i'm giving it to my neighbor. as i was cleaning out the charcoal and the ashes that had been in there forever i realized what i was throwing away. i was emptying out the ashes from one of the last times that we used this grill. i was cleaning out the mess we made when we turned it into a campfire pit because that's the best you can do when you live in an apartment. we burned the logs Mark gave me and i sat around on the porch with Brandon and Emily, Mark, Chantell, Amy and Christen. we sat on a porch of white lights and sang along to Brandon's guitar as we burned logs in the grill. it was years ago, but as i was cleaning it out tonight, it seemed like yesterday. i felt like i was cleaning up memories; part of me didn't want to throw those ashes away. it's one of the last tangible reminders of good times full of life with a friend that isn't with us anymore. i know those memories last long after that grill is gone, but for a moment i paused and didn't want to throw away those ashes. i have to remind myself that life is to be lived, not hoarded and held onto to remember the good times. the things are just that, "things." the memories remain long after the things are gone. a verse has continued to come up in my life that talks about "beauty instead of ashes." i thought of it tonight and was reminded that ashes aren't to be held onto but are far better off blowing in the wind. mark would have taken the grill off my porch and given it to my neighbor himself if he thought i would even consider holding on to something i'm not using when someone else can enjoy it, just so i can hold on to a memory. the grill's cleaned up and given away, and i'm looking forward to the time when we have a better jam session all together again than we ever had on the porch that night.