being strong
Why do I feel like something’s coming on that I’m going to have to be strong for; that I’m going to have to be reminded that, “God is love.”
Life is very different, when you are begging God to save your life every day; when you spend moments of each day on your knees with tears pouring down because you will not make it any other way. Life is very different.
I haven’t been on my knees like that for a while. I haven’t needed God for my next breath for a while. I forgot what it’s like to have no hope but Him; to know that if I take my next breath, or if my foot lands it’s next step on solid ground, it will only be because He blew air into my lungs, because He guided my foot to the ground. Maybe this is actually how it always is, I just don’t realize it. Maybe I just get confused and think I am the one taking care of myself, that I’m doing it on my own. Maybe it’s never been like that. Maybe we get closest to God in life when we have absolutely nothing left because in those moments we are actually nearest to the truth that is always there. Maybe those are the times we get it most; though ironically those seem to be the moments we feel the most lost. Maybe that’s when what we see is actually the truest, because everything else that clouds that reality is gone. Life looks different from your knees. Perspective is different. And not just those moments when you bow down for a second, but those ones where there’s absolutely no other way to come before God, because you’re not sure that if you stand your legs will actually hold you. But then again, maybe they never really have.
Life is very different, when you are begging God to save your life every day; when you spend moments of each day on your knees with tears pouring down because you will not make it any other way. Life is very different.
I haven’t been on my knees like that for a while. I haven’t needed God for my next breath for a while. I forgot what it’s like to have no hope but Him; to know that if I take my next breath, or if my foot lands it’s next step on solid ground, it will only be because He blew air into my lungs, because He guided my foot to the ground. Maybe this is actually how it always is, I just don’t realize it. Maybe I just get confused and think I am the one taking care of myself, that I’m doing it on my own. Maybe it’s never been like that. Maybe we get closest to God in life when we have absolutely nothing left because in those moments we are actually nearest to the truth that is always there. Maybe those are the times we get it most; though ironically those seem to be the moments we feel the most lost. Maybe that’s when what we see is actually the truest, because everything else that clouds that reality is gone. Life looks different from your knees. Perspective is different. And not just those moments when you bow down for a second, but those ones where there’s absolutely no other way to come before God, because you’re not sure that if you stand your legs will actually hold you. But then again, maybe they never really have.
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