this isn't the life i would have chosen...

i never intended to give you everything.
i never intended to give up my life for you.
my hopes.  my dreams.  my heart.  my desires.
i wanted the jesus i knew.  the faith that i knew.
the one where you do things right, and live the best way that you can, and everything falls into place.
that was the faith i signed up for.

the one where you hold fast to the hope that devastating things don't happen to "good people." the one that deep down, i knew if i followed, there would be some reprieve, some blessings in store.

but the jesus i signed up to follow, didn't teach the faith that i believed in, and honestly, i signed up before i had any idea what was in store.

luke 14:28 tells us to count the cost of following Him.
the faith that i understand now, is only from jesus teaching me along the way.

the jesus i follow came to this earth a king, but humbled himself and was born a man. we just celebrated his birth, we know the story. he came as a servant and died a criminal's death. a criminal's death for someone that did no wrong.

even jesus had to count the cost. was it worth it? to follow the path marked out for Him would cost Him everything. he asked God to remove the cup from Him, to offer another way, but still said, "not my will, but yours." he weighed the cost and chose to follow. he believed that God's way, no matter what it cost, was better than any path he could travel.

if the savior that we follow, and his disciples lived out lives that cost them everything for their faith, why are we confused, when we are called to give up everything for our own?
is this not the teacher that we follow?

we have become over saturated with a safe faith. a faith void of sacrifice and risk. i find my own self questioning constantly, because i am living a life that i never would have chosen. i find myself counting the cost.
are you worth it?
is this worth it...

to live a life where you put your dreams and your heart on the line and hold them with open hands as an offering and say, this is the life i want... "but, if not..."

you are God, and i am not.